Things Left Unsaid
by moogsthewriter
Summary: Sometimes we don't realize what we want to say the most... until it's too late. Shules angst. CHARACTER DEATH. SERIOUS TEARJERKER, PEOPLE! Minor spoilers for Spellingg Bee and Bounty Hunters. ONESHOT.


_A/N: I feel bad, because I sat down to write the next chapter for_ Vengeance_... and this came out instead._

_What is wrong with me?_

_In any case, this is a one-shot - nothing else is coming, people. At least, not in this story._

**_THERE IS CHARACTER DEATH IN THIS!!!_**

_This is sorta inspired by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fanfic I read a long time ago. I don't remember the name of it, and I couldn't find it on here, so if anyone knows, let me know. _

_Some of the dates are fudged. They should fit into the proper age range for the characters, though. This also takes place two years down the road, FYI._

_There are little baby spoilers for "Spellingg Bee" and "Bounty Hunters" too, by the way. Itty, bitty ones, but the references are there nonetheless._

_Thanks to my new buddy/long-lost twin mav32 for letting me ruin her good mood and beta'ing this for me. You rock, girl! _

_Standard disclaimer applies._

_

* * *

_

**Things Left Unsaid**

"Honestly, Shawn, how do you really do it?"

Blue-gray eyes focused on the profile of the man in the driver's seat next to her. Shawn smirked, glancing back at the Junior Detective out of the corner of his eye as he sped down the deserted road, skillfully rounding a slight curve. "How do I really do what? Make my hair so stylish? Let me tell you, it takes some real work."

Juliet snorted slightly. "Yeah, bed-head requires a lot of effort, I'm sure."

Shawn scoffed, taking one hand off the steering wheel to place it over his heart. "Jules! Hair this perfect requires a lot of attention, not to mention some rather expensive hair gel!" he exclaimed.

The blonde reached over to run a hand through his hair. "Nope - no gel that I can feel," she declared smugly, settling back into her seat and smoothing her skirt over her legs.

"Really? Maybe you should feel it again," Shawn replied cheekily with a grin.

Juliet slapped him lightly on the leg. "_Anyway,_ back to my original point," she said. "How do you really solve all those cases? You haven't had an unsolved one yet, and it's been over two years. That's unheard of."

"Jules, I thought we were supposed to keep this a work-free date," Shawn complained.

"I specifically recall saying, 'No cases this time.' And this isn't a case… per sè ," Juliet replied.

Shawn shrugged, running a hand through his hair. "Well, I'll be darned - there really is no gel in there! How'd I forget that?"

"Shawn," Juliet said softly. "Stop trying to change the subject."

"I'm just doin' what the spirits tell me to, Jules," Shawn replied after a moment, turning the wheel to round another curve. "And they really hate to leave a job unfinished."

Juliet sighed inwardly, slightly frustrated. She and Shawn had finally started dating a few months ago, but she knew he still didn't feel he could tell her everything. It hurt a little.

_But, then, he doesn't really know every little thing about you, either - Florida ringing any bells?- so be fair, here,_ a little voice in the back of her head scolded gently. "I had a good time tonight, Shawn," she finally declared quietly.

"Even though you had to hike in a skirt?" Shawn asked, relaxing noticeably in his seat.

"The view was definitely worth it. And at least you brought me some tennis shoes and socks. How'd you know my shoe size, anyway?"

Shawn smirked and tapped his temple with a finger. "Please, Jules. Even if I weren't psychic, that's something every good boyfriend should know."

"Says who?"

"The boyfriend manual."

"How come guys get a manual, but not girls?"

"C'mon, Jules, I thought that would be obvious! Girls are much harder to figure out than guys, and guys are a little dumber than girls when it comes to relationships!" Shawn replied smoothly. "It's a double whammy, so we need all the help we can get."

Juliet laughed. "Don't be so hard on yourself, hon," she murmured, leaning over to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. She grinned when she saw the redness spreading over his face. "You do a pretty good job," she continued, settling back into her seat.

"Thanks, babe," Shawn whispered faintly, taking his eyes off the road a moment to look at her. Juliet felt her heart speed up at the tender look in the hazel orbs.

Suddenly they both squinted and looked forward. A truck was barreling towards them, its bright lights on. "What on earth? That guy's gonna kill someone!" Juliet exclaimed as she and Shawn both tensed in their seats.

Shawn's eyes narrowed as the truck suddenly swerved into their lane. "I think he's gonna kill _us_!" he shouted as Juliet screamed next to him.

He slammed on the brakes and wrenched the wheel to the right. Rubber squealed on asphalt as the car started skidding on the road. "Hang on!" Shawn screamed as the headlights blinded them.

Juliet screamed again as a warm hand suddenly squeezed hers tightly. She looked up and saw Shawn's silhouette in the headlights behind him before squeezing her eyes shut as the grill of the truck filled the driver's side window. Then there was an almighty jerk. Glass rained down around them, and a thunderous crash practically deafened them as the car came to a sudden stop against the front of the truck, then started moving in the opposite direction. The fingers in hers went limp, and a moment later, the blindingly white light suddenly went dark.

* * *

"Jules? Juliet? C'mon, Jules, you need to wake up. Please, babe, open your eyes for me."

A familiar voice pulled Juliet O'Hara back into a painful consciousness. She groaned softly as pain throbbed throughout her entire body in waves. "Sh-Shawn?" she croaked out after a moment. Her tongue felt rather thick in her mouth, and there was a definite taste of copper. Her lips cracked with the slight movement.

"Thank God," the voice beside her breathed. "How're you feeling? Do you remember what happened?"

Juliet scrunched her face slightly, wincing in pain at the movement. "T-truck ran… us off… th-the r-road," she whispered faintly. Her eyes slid open slowly. She blinked a few times, trying to make the blurry shadows clearer. "Sh-Shawn, I c-can't… s-see," she added in a slightly more panicked whisper.

"Shh, it's okay. It's dark out - that's probably why," Shawn replied soothingly. "Where does it hurt, babe?"

"Everywhere," Juliet said breathily.

There was a faint pause. "Where does it hurt the most?" Shawn asked finally.

Juliet tried to think past the pain and attempted to move. A soft hiss escaped past her clenched teeth, and colored spots were suddenly swimming in the dark night in front of her. "L-leg," she choked out finally. "And ribs," she added as she tried to breathe.

"Okay. Okay," Shawn murmured. Juliet wished she could see his face - it would make her feel a lot better.

"Sh-Shawn, are… y-you okay?" she asked slowly, trying to block the pain out from her mind.

"I'm just fine now," Shawn replied after a moment's hesitation. "Just sit tight, Jules. I think Lassie and Gus should be coming soon."

"H-how… d-do you… know?"

"I heard the guy who ran us off the road call dispatch. Told them he killed us. Sure showed him, huh? Anyway, Lassie's pissed now, I'm sure, so hopefully he'll track down our phones soon. And Gus will be with him, 'cuz he'd be livid if I put a scratch in his car." He chuckled humorlessly. "If he hates it when I put a little scratch on the door, I really don't think he'll like what that truck did to it."

Juliet frowned slightly, her pain-riddled mind trying to take in what Shawn had said. Something seemed off in his voice, though. "Wh-what're… you not… t-tellin' m-me?" she demanded weakly.

There was a long stretch of silence. Losing focus, Juliet let her eyes slide shut. She gradually became aware of a pressure on her chest that grew when she started letting her head go limp. _The seat belt,_ she realized fuzzily. _I'm hanging in the seat belt._

She was sure there was something significant about that discovery, but her mind was too tired to try and figure it out now. Darkness played at the corners of her mind, inviting her back in for a nice, painless rest.

"Jules, stay awake! Please, you gotta stay awake!"

Her eyes flew open again as her heart thudded painfully in her chest. "S-scared me!" she exclaimed softly.

"Sorry, hon, but I need you to stay awake for me."

"M'kay," she mumbled. There was something she was supposed to find out, her mind remembered vaguely. "Wh-what're y-you… hidin'?" she asked finally.

More silence. "I'm not a psychic," Shawn replied at long last.

"Wh-what?"

"I'm not psychic. I've got what Gus calls a 'super-scary' memory and a really keen sense of observation," Shawn confessed. "My dad trained me when I was a kid."

"Wh-why p-pretend?" Juliet asked after a moment.

She could practically sense him shrug. "It was kinda fun. And if I told the truth, I figured Lassie would lock me up faster than I could blink."

"N-no… he w-wouldn't."

A beat later, it was Shawn's turn to sound surprised. "Wh-what?"

"H-he'll k-kill… m-me for t-tellin' you," Juliet gasped out, "b-but 'e… s-said he w-wished y-you'd f-fess up… so 'e c-could f-finally m-make y-you b-become a d-detect… detective."

Shock filled the long stretch of silence. "He - he said that?"

"Mm-hmm." The blackness was returning again. "Think h-he… r-respects… you."

"Jules, stay with me, please. Just hold on a little longer, okay? There's sirens coming, I can hear them," Shawn begged.

After a moment, Juliet heard them, too. Faint, far off in the distance, but they were there. She wanted to stay with him, she really did, but the pain free darkness was just so inviting… "T-try t-to."

"Good." A moment of silence. "I'm so sorry, Jules."

"F-for what?"

"For getting you into this mess. It's all my fault. I - I recognized the truck. It belongs to a guy Gus and I caught six months back. He must've wanted revenge," Shawn replied. "This is all my fault."

"S'not," Juliet murmured. "S'not."

"Yeah, it is. And now… I'm… you're hurt, and… I'm so sorry Jules. And I'm… I love you. So much it hurts."

Juliet felt the breath catch in her throat slightly. Shawn's voice was practically shaking with emotion. The sirens were gradually getting louder, but they were also starting to become more muffled. A dull roar echoed in her ears, and she let her body relax again. She sighed softly and replied, "Love… you… t-too."

Shawn's panicked voice started fading out. "Hold on, Jules. Help's …st here. Just hold… lit… longer… please… love… sorry… hold…"

Juliet allowed her mind to relax and start to drift off. Gradually other voices and sounds started making their way to her ears, most of them unfamiliar.

"…confirmed… bad… dent…"

"We can't… him… need… cut… her…"

"…lost… blood… transport… hospital…"

Faintly, almost as if in the distance, she felt her body being moved, and while she knew it should be excruciating, she couldn't feel a thing at the moment. Then another voice pierced the growing haze, a voice she recognized.

"…my God… O'Hara… hear me… make it… be fine…"

But even the familiar voice of her partner couldn't pull her back now. Shawn's voice was gone, too. All she wanted was relief…

"She's… into… paddles!"

"Charging…"

"CLEAR!"

She felt a faint tug urging her to go back, but it wasn't worth it - it just didn't matter. As blackness claimed her again, she realized the only thing that mattered to her at the moment wasn't there. _I wanna hear his voice again,_ she thought vaguely.

"CLEAR!"

Then it was there - faint but there. She let herself slip into peaceful bliss as his voice echoed clearly through her head.

_I love you, Jules. Please. Wake up. For me. I know you can. Please…__

* * *

_

_Beep._

"…sent her family to their hotel to get some rest - they were all on the verge of collapse. But she should be waking up any time now."

_Beep_.

"I still can't believe it. Shawn… We had no idea Miller would try for revenge."

_Beep. _

"Vick and Henry were down at the station to make an ID. The caller was right. It was him. We got him."

_Beep._

"Sh-Shawn…" Juliet groaned as a pair of voices and a loud beep brought her back into awareness once more. Neither was the voice she longed to hear. But he couldn't be far off, she knew.

_Beep._

"O'Hara? Juliet. Open your eyes," Lassiter called.

After a few difficult tries, Juliet obeyed.

_Beep._

Gradually two fuzzy patches cleared into two familiar figures. She blinked a few times, taking in her hospital surroundings. "Welcome back, Juliet," Gus murmured gently.

"Wh-where am I?" the blonde asked breathily. Her throat and lips were chapped and dry.

_Beep._

"You're in the hospital. You've been unconscious for eight days," Gus replied softly, his dark eyes wide and bloodshot. Juliet's eyes widened in shock. "Yeah, you were pretty roughed up."

_Beep._

"Do you remember what happened?" Lassiter asked quietly, sitting back down in a chair near her bed and leaning his elbows onto his knees.

Juliet blinked in surprise at the gentleness in her partner's normally stern voice. "We… we were driving home from a date. A truck ran us off the road. Shawn… Shawn said he heard the guy call dispatch. Said he hit us on purpose - wanted to kill us," she explained slowly, the sounds of the heart monitor fading into the background as she concentrated. Gus and Lassiter shot each other a puzzled look. "Did you catch the guy?"

"Yeah, we got him," Lassiter replied after a moment. "We figured out the make and model of the vehicle, and we got a call from an auto shop saying they had just done some hood work on a truck of the same description. The guy confessed as soon as we cornered him."

"Good," Juliet said with a smile. Her eyes scanned the room once more. "Where's Shawn?"

Gus and Lassiter tensed noticeably. Juliet could've sworn the air in the room became four times thicker because of how hard it suddenly was to breathe. "Guys? Where's Shawn?" she demanded a little more forcefully, the effect slightly diminished by her raspy voice.

The pair looked at each other for a long moment. Finally Gus whispered, "He's gone."

_Beep._

Silence.

_Beep._

"Wh-what? What do you mean? Where is he, Gus? Where?" Juliet asked, her voice slightly panicked as her heart seemed to plummet down to the vague regions of her knees.

"O'Hara - Juliet… Shawn's gone. He didn't survive the crash," Lassiter said gently, his normally stoic face showing true sadness.

"You're lying," Juliet replied immediately, her fists clenching. She glanced down a brief moment at the cast cutting into her right hand before continuing, "You're lying! He told me he was fine! He said so!"

Gus' eyebrows furrowed even as his eyes misted over. "What are you talking about, Juliet?" he asked, confused.

"Shawn told me he was fine! He talked to me to keep me awake! He even told me his secret about how's he's not really a psychic! He was fine!" Juliet exclaimed, tears springing to her eyes.

"Juliet," Lassiter began, his tone indicating just how uncomfortable he was at this moment, "that's not possible. The - the coroner said Sp- that Shawn d-died on impact. His neck was broken when you two hit the truck, and one of his ribs pierced his heart. He - he didn't stand a chance."

Juliet gaped at them, the pace of the heart monitor revealing just how horribly fast her heart was beating. "N-no," she whispered in horror. Her voice picked up momentum until it was a loud shriek. "Y-you're lying, Carlton! Stop it! Stop lying to me! Where is he? Where?"

Gus and Lassiter merely stared back at her, letting her vent her shock. A strangled sob made its way past her lips. She locked eyes with Gus again and breathed "G-Gus? H-he - he _can't_ - I just - I - he said he was fine! He told me - he told me he loved me!"

A tear slid down Gus' cheek, and Juliet felt her heart shatter. She was surprised it was still beeping on the machine. "I'm sorry, Juliet," he whispered, shifting so that he was kneeling by her side. "I'm so sorry. Shawn's gone, Jules. He's gone."

Every last bit of resolve Juliet had gave way to the flood of tears that burst from her eyes. Despite the numerous machines she was still attached to, she leaned into the hug Gus offered her and completely broke down.

_Beep.

* * *

_

Juliet slowly made her way up the grassy hillside. She could feel the ever-watchful eyes of her mother on her back, making sure she didn't strain her injuries too much. It had been a little over a month since she had woken up. Her father and brothers had returned to their respective jobs and homes last week, but her mother planned on hanging around for another two weeks, just to be sure her "baby girl" was safe.

Juliet had never loved her mother more.

But as much as she wanted someone behind her at this moment in time, she knew she had to make this trip by herself. She owed… him… that much.

She stiffly knelt down next to the recently dug up earth. Small tufts of grass were starting to appear on the mound, and the area where the headstone would eventually stand was strewn with wilted flowers. Gently, she shoved them aside, revealing the small plastic marker identifying the body under the grave, along with the birth and death dates, and the date of interment. 

Shawn H. Spencer  
25 April 1977 - 11 July 2009  
16 July 2009

She set the bouquet of roses in her hand into a small holder by the marker, then slowly sat back, folding her knees to her chest, propping her chin on her knees as she stared at the grave, heedless of chill creeping up from the grass.

"I wasn't there," she whispered, tracing the minute letters with a finger over the burial date. "I was still trying to wake up. You wanna know why? You told me to, Shawn. You told me to hold on."

She paused, her eyes welling for the seemingly millionth time that month. Her whispered words held bitterness in them as she continued, "And I did Shawn. Because I wanted to see you. But I woke up and found out you _lied_ to me! You lied, Shawn. You told me you were fine! If I - if I had known…"

She chuckled humorlessly. "Everyone still thinks I'm slightly crazy. Well, not Gus. He knew you too well. He said that you hanging around until I was safe would've been just the kind of thing you would do if you were still…"

Her voice faded off as salty tears dripped onto the wilted flowers. "I wish I had listened to my heart earlier," she said finally. "Instead of waiting two years. I thought for sure you would keep pursuing me after that… that 'close talking' incident. You remember that?"

She ran her finger over his name again, smiling faintly. "But you didn't - you kept your distance. Gave me time. I should've - I should've realized then… you really did care. I knew you did, but… I just… I'm sorry, Shawn. We could've - things could've turned out so much different…"

She sat there in silence for a while, hearing the gentle sound of a car door shutting as her mother sat down in the front seat to wait. She half expected a fluttering breeze to blow up, or for the sky to start a downpour, like in all of the sad movies.

Instead, the sun continued to shine brightly in the clear blue sky. In the nearby tree, she could hear birds twittering, and cars flew past in the far-off distance. Juliet glanced up as the faint but familiar sound of a siren rang in the distance. She sighed, looking back down at the small mound of earth.

"I hated you for a little bit," she confessed quietly. "When I woke up… I hated you. You lied to me all that time about being a psychic, you lied about being okay…"

She paused again. "But after I thought about it, I realized Gus was right. You were just trying to keep me safe as possible. And… I guess I never really told you everything either. I never told you about how I fell in love with you the first time we ever met - when I stole your seat in that diner, remember? I never told you all of the times you made me happy just by showing up at the station. I never told you that I spent the entire night after our 'close talk' in the police station, trying to figure out how I felt about you. I never told you how much I - how much I lo-"

She stopped to clear her throat and finished, "How much I loved you."

Silence fell over the grassy knoll again. Juliet rubbed the tears off her cheeks, finally feeling a release of all the sorrow in her soul. The day seemed to brighten even a little more, and she felt a strange warmth seep through her veins, easing the throb in her aching body. "And even when you asked, I never really told you about what happened in Florida," Juliet finally murmured, fiddling with the roses nervously.

She hadn't realized how much she needed to get off her heart - how much she had wanted to tell him before he had died. But this - this felt good. She could almost sense him, in a way. Like in the car while she waited for the ambulance. He was still there - she could feel him. And she wanted to tell him everything.

She sighed, took a deep breath, and began, "Well, when I was in the academy…"

_A/N: I know. I'm awful. But I do so appreciate reviews. Please, let me know what you think! Thanks for reading._

_moogsthewriter_


End file.
